imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
