she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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