why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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