Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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