hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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