Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
