The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
