I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
