Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
