R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
