i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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