I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
