this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
there is puke in my bra ... again
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