One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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