then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
