OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
