Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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