i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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