she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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