Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your penis caused this!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
