I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
