all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
