Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
