I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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