We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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