um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
