Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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