somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He better not be in your backpack
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
