her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
