It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
