I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
