I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
