who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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