You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
