We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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