I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
