"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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