I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
