weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
