i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
