mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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