OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
