I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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