she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
