Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
