sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
