I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
