Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
