I wish I could teleport
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
