Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Randomize
