Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
