You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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