No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sober January is a disaster.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
