Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
