I'm eating all of the evidence.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
