So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
