you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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