I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
