You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
