Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
