he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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