i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
